PERTH GEMS - JULY 09 - PART FOUR
I have a 5 year old who is back-chatting. How can I train him not to do this?
Go back to first time obedience. Have him practice saying “yes, mum” and nothing else, in response to your instruction. Chat through your expectations, and clearly outline the consequences for non compliance. This would include isolation and loss of privileges, especially social ones. Maybe have a chart for rewarding the right choices initially. Ensure you have a tight structure for your morning and evening so that you are making most of the choices for his day. If you are mostly in charge, then he will be less likely to oppose your authority. Your calm consistency will teach that this response is not acceptable and will reap change.
What are some practical ways to get 1 – on – 1 time with each child when there are 3 children (under 5) in the house?
You need to be creative! Maybe have a ‘rotation hour’ where one child is in front of a DVD for 20 minutes, another strapped in the high chair for table time and one has 1 - on - 1 time with mum. Then you can swap them around. Doing this at the same time every day makes it predictable and expected for the children. If you have a timer or song to signal the end of each activity it will help each child learn what comes next! The other idea is to use nap time, room time or playpen time and outside play as the activities to rotate them through. It does take some planning but the benefits are greatly worth it.
I am trying to teach my six year old daughter to be a good friend. However some of her friends are not kind to her (e.g. saying unkind things to her). I need suggestions on how to be positive and helpful to her in choosing friends.
You are very wise to teach this skill early in her life, well before the teen years. Teaching her to practically speak the five love languages (quality time, encouraging words, physical touch, acts of service and gift giving) to her peers
Is the best way for her to learn to be a good friend. When another chooses to show unkindness you can use it as an opportunity to talk about her feelings and to encourage her not make others feel that way. Also use it as an opportunity to talk about the difference between showing kindness to that person (and all people) and the wisdom of having that person as a close friend (a few people).
My 6 year old son whines annoyingly when given an instruction he does not like. It grates on me and he is really unpleasant. What can I do to get him to control that?
Play the whining game. Have a cookie or sweet and have the child ask for it in a whiny voice (no cookie given) then in a pleasant voice (cookie given). Then swap roles – he can be the mummy and you be the child. If during the day, he whines, asks him to sit for a minute. When the timer goes off he can try again. Progressively move the timer up a minute each time. Be calm and consistent and very matter of fact, do not model whining by whining back at him. Teach verses on being cheerful or make up songs about being cheerful. Tell him he can whine as much as he likes to himself on his bed, he may join the family with his happy countenance.
What is the best way to start teaching self-control to my six year old?
A flexible routine is the best platform for building self-control on. Limiting most of the choices in his day is also important. Focus on one behaviour at a time. First time obedience is usually the first one to work on. A reward chart may be helpful for the first few weeks, but quickly wean him off this. Give one clear moral reason for each expected behaviour. Have him articulate this reason to you to avoid nagging or lecturing. Focus on teaching positive virtues (TERRIFIC TODDLER 2) into his heart. It will be a hard job to work on this now, but persevere, it would be much harder if he was seven, eight or even sixteen.
What are some age appropriate consequences for my 7 year old?
From age 5 and up we move away from chastisement and towards logical and related consequences for inappropriate behaviours. Generally they will include isolation and loss of freedoms. So if they chose to play in the wrong spot out in the yard (e.g. in the garden beds) they would lose the freedom to play outside. If the choose to not turn the computer off after their allocated hour, they would lose the freedom to play on the computer for the rest of the week. They chose to not speak kindly to a sibling, they will lose the freedom of visiting friends until they are characterized by kind words at home. Your responses teach your values.
