Goal of Parenting

Tedd Tripp:


If the goal of parenting is no more profound than securing appropriate behavior, we will never help our children understand the internal things, the heart issues, that push and pull behavior.

Those internal issues: self-love, rebellion, anger, bitterness, envy, and pride of the heart show our children how profoundly they need grace. If the problem with children is deeper than inappropriate behavior, if the problem is the overflow of the heart, then the need for grace is established.

Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life and died as an infinite sacrifice so that children (and their parents) can be forgiven, transformed, liberated and empowered to love God and love others.

When we miss the heart, we miss the glory of God. The need of children (or adults) who have fallen into various forms of personal idolatry is not only to tear down the high places of the alien gods, but to enthrone God.

Children are spring-loaded for worship. One of the most important callings God has given parents is to display the greatness, goodness, and glory of the God for whom they are made.

Parents have the opportunity, through word and deed, to show children the one true object of worship—the God of the Bible.

We know that the greatest delights our children can ever experience are found in delighting in the God who has made them for his glory.



Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child's Heart (Shepherd Press, 2005), xii.

Phlegmatic - let's do it the easy way!

Phlegmatics desire to avoid conflict.  They are characterised with an even disposition, balanced and pleasing personality, contentment, kindness, diplomacy and a steady strength.

They can tend to lack decisiveness, enthusiasm and energy and avoid conflict at all costs. They have a hidden will of iron.

As leaders they tend to keep calm, cool and collected and don't make impulsive decisions. They are recognised by their calm approach and relaxed posture.

They are afraid of having to be the one to make decisions or major changes. They get depressed when life is full of conflict. They react to stress by tuning out.

Parents of phlegmatics need to not rush theses children and teach them to take initiative.

Melancholy - let's do it the right way!

The melancholy has the ability to organise, can set long range goals and has high ideals. They analyze deeply and complete tasks well and on time.

Melancholy types can be easily depressed as they remember the negatives and tend to be suspicious of others. They usually overprepare and become too focused on details.

As leaders they organise well, are sensitive to others, are deeply creative and want quality performance. They are afraid of making a mistake, having their feelings misunderstood and having to compromise standards.

They get depressed when life is out of order and when standards aren't met. Then they intend to withdraw, give up, get depressed and cry.

Melancholy nature is serious and sensitive and enjoys private time.

Parenting this type needs to focus on helping them get thier emotions under control and to speak words of life to others. It is also important that they have an area of their own that can be tidy and right.  

Choleric - let's do it my way!

The strength of the choleric is their ability to take charge, to make quick, correct judgements and to be goal oriented. They desire to have control and are full of ambition, energy and passion.

Weakness include the tendency to be bossy, insensitve, quick to anger, impatient and unwilling to delegate. They can be unwilling to give credit to others.

They have a natural feel for what we work and sincerely believe they can achieve. Their greatest fear is losing control of everything.

Choloerics get depressed life is out of control and when people won't do things their way. They react to stress by tightening control, working harder and yelling.

They are recognised by their fast moving approach to life, self-confidence and a restless attitude.

Parents of the choleric child need to ensure the chid has an area they can be in control of (e.g. one section of the yard, a portion of their toys) and will need to focus on self-control training.

Instructions need to be calm, firm (unmoving) and non emotional.

Sanguine - let's do it the fun way!

One of the many helpful talks from the recent Growing Families National Conference was called "What in the World Are They Thinking?: Understanding Temperaments".

Temperament refers to your God-given, inborn, emotional and behavioural pre-dispositions or inclinations.
It doesn't change.
Personality and character however can be altered by life experiences, environment etc.

Sanguines are extroverted, people oriented types, who love to have fun.

They are characterised by talking and a bubbling personality. They inspire and charm and recharge by having social time.

Sanguines can be disorganised, late and prone to exaggeration. They are worried about being unpopular or bored.

They are recognised by their loud volume and bright eyes.

To parent a sanguine child, provide lots of social interaction, time for talking and music for background when they are focusing and concentrating on a task.

Enjoy this God-given personality!

Chore Time for Mums - by Belinda Letchford

My kids do a lot of household chores – between the four of them


they keep the kitchen, bathroom, family room clean and tidy, they


do the family laundry and look after outside chores as well. They


are totally responsible for their own bedroom and ironing. They


each cook a few evening meals a month.






What is left for me to do you may ask!






My main responsibility is to train them in their responsibilities.


I may not be doing much of the actual chores, but I am training.


*Training in and of itself is a chore – it is my job every day. *






There is a downside to this though – your house may not look like


you wish it did, it won’t look like a magazine cover. As


homemakers ourselves, we have to come to a place of contentment


– that our home is a training ground, it isn’t a showcase.






When my kids were little I of course did these tasks, but I had my


children working alongside of me; learning, not only the skills,


the how-to, but also the heart for work, for serving and for being


a team. Doing household chores is a very good heart training


ground. If we aren’t careful though we forget the heart and just


get the house clean.






So the important things to teach are:


-A heart for work – a work ethic, and an ability to do the tasks


-A heart to serve others – we live in this house together - we do


each other’s laundry, we wash each other’s plates, we clean the


bathroom so it is nice for the next person.


-A heart for the family – we are a team and we work together, play


together, and pray together.






As I have said in the past, a key motivator for me is that I want


my children to have the skills necessary to look after their own


responsibilities as an adult: their time, possessions, money, and


self. I also want them to have the skills necessary to look after


other people – to be able to help people outside of themselves.






It is important that we know, deep in our heart – that we are


convinced, *why* we are teaching our children these chores. Once I


know my ‘why’ I can start to work on ‘what’ I’m going teach,


‘when’, and ‘how’. If we don’t know why then we will feel bad when


our children challenge our decisions.






Training really is a full time job. Remember training our kids


involves


-Showing them how it is done – being a model


-Teaching them – breaking each skill down, talking it through,


-Letting them practice – don’t walk away and leave them to it


after you’ve taught them, continue to be by their side, guiding


and adjusting their efforts


-Let them be responsible – once they are doing a good job


consistently, walk away and let it be their responsibility –


don’t hover but do make them accountable. Get them to report back,


you go and check it and either praise them for a job well done, or


get them to repeat it if it hasn’t been done right.






Sometimes it is just easier to get in and get it done yourself –


but you are short changing your kids if you do this. Training is


emotionally draining as well as time consuming. But you and your


children will reap the benefits. If you want to increase what your


children are doing around the house – spend this week observing


all that you do and ask yourself the question – which one of your


children could do this task? Or - Which one of your children needs


training in this task? Take notes and start to prepare for a time


of training and adjustment. They may or may not need training,


they may need reminding and encouragement, but bit by bit get your


children to do the things you know they are capable of doing, then


move onto training them to do a little bit more.






As a wife and mother we wear many hats – now you can add Trainer


to the list!



Read more on Belinda's website:
” http://www.lifestyle-homeschool.com/

What Every Child should know Along the Way
is a very helpful book as it gives a list of household

responsibility (aka chores) that the authors consider age

appropriate. You may tweak them (as I have a little) but it does

give you a guide and a starting place. It also has a great section

on Character training.

Belinda blogs during the week over at Live life with your Kids Blog

http://livelifewithyourkids.wordpress.com/

.

Maybe This Year

Maybe This Year



2012 at 7:49 pm
by Nicole Whitacre


Filed under Biblical Womanhood Spiritual Growth


Each year we make New Year's resolutions for things we want to change, but we also have New Year's hopes for things we can't change, but wish we could. We long to receive certain desires of our heart that seem elusively out of reach. And maybe, just maybe, we will see those hopes fulfilled this year.

When I was single, I hoped for a husband. Maybe this year, he will come. I imagined myself married by the following New Year, or at least engaged. Maybe the New Year was holding my future husband in the wings. God eventually gave me an amazing husband, but new hopes still sprang up with each New Year's Day. When we lived in a teeny apartment, I wanted to move to a bigger place. When I experienced secondary infertility, I wanted to have another child. Maybe this year.

I'm sure you have hopes for this year. They are probably whatever you are thinking about right now.

But in her book, Keep A Quiet Heart, Elisabeth Elliot encourages us to focus on the most important of New Year's hopes:

“Will the young woman find a mate? Will the couple have a child? Maybe this year will be the year of desire fulfilled. Perhaps, on the other hand, it will be the year of desire radically transformed, the year of finding, as we have perhaps not yet truly found, Christ to be the All-Sufficient One, Christ the ‘deep sweet well of Love’” (page 49, emphasis mine).

This year, let us ask God to dissolve all our hopes (however good they may be!) into a single hope: to know Christ and to be found in Him. May this be a year of desire radically transformed, a deeper, truer, knowing of Christ as our All-Sufficient One.

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Philippians 3:7-8a).



Article taken from
girltalksblogs - conversations on biblical womanhood and other fun stuff.