Toddlers are concrete thinkers.
They live in the moment. They
want what they want right now. They see things in black and white. They love
repetition. They will put all the pegs into the container, and then take them
all out of the container, over and over. They love to ‘read’ their favourite
few books over and over and over. They enjoy having a daily pattern that is familiar
and secure.
They learn through calmness and consistency.
So it is important to ensure that
a ‘yes’ is always a ‘yes’.
It is also important to ensure that a ‘no’ is always
a ‘no’.
Can they touch the remote control
for the TV? If your answer is always yes, or always no, they will quickly learn
to touch or not to touch the remote
control. If it sometimes a yes and sometimes a no, that is very confusing for
their developing minds. The same action sometimes receives a smile and praise,
and sometimes receives a frown and angry words. It seems unkind to them.
Can they jump on your bed? If the
answer is always yes, or always no, they will quickly learn to jump or not to
jump. If it is sometimes a yes and sometimes a no, they may jump when the bed
has just been made or if there is neatly folded washing on the end of the bed. The
same action sometimes receives a smile and attention, and sometimes receives a
shout and harsh words. It seems unkind to them.
Do they get what they are fussing
for when they throw a temper tantrum? If the answer is always yes or always no,
they will eventually learn to tantrum or not to tantrum. If it is sometimes a
yes and sometimes a no, then they will probably keep throwing tantrums in the
hope that this time might be a yes. Sometimes receiving a consequence and
sometimes not, is inconsistent and seems unkind.
Gentle authority that has clear
boundaries, of ‘yes’ and ‘no’, are kind to your toddler. They can feel safe and
secure knowing that yesterday’s boundaries are the same as today’s boundaries
and they will be the same as tomorrow’s boundaries too.
Most importantly, the toddler is
learning what your values are.
Is integrity important? Then your ‘yes’ will be ‘yes’
and your ‘no will be ‘no.
That is kind parenting.
