Parenting Pre-schoolers #3

Parenting Pre-schoolers: A Positive Practical Parenting Seminar

Questions from Dapto, NSW, Mums

 

If you take their dinner away uneaten, do you keep it in case they want to eat it later?

This is up to you.

I just gave them their milk at the end of the meal and moved on with the day. They would then eat at the next meal. This helped my toddlers learn very quickly that meal time was for eating. It also stopped food dominating the evening. Once dinner was over it was over.

 

How do I deal with my 4 year old’s bad response to my decisions?

You will do this with calm consistency.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Do no change your decision. Stand firm and do not dialogue over the issue. Have an east-to-implement consequence and enforce this every time.

In times of non-conflict talk about appropriate ways to respond and the reasons why you need this response. Praise good choices.

 

 

 

 

How can I make toilet training a positive experience for my 3 year old?

Shopping together for big boy/girl pants before you start can add to the anticipation.

I did not expect my child to initiate at first so I simply added toilet visits to the pattern for the day.

So the chart would indicate when it was time to visit the bathroom.

Charts with stamps and stickers were helpful at first to motivate the new behaviour.

A small treat (e.g. one jelly bean) for each success was greatly enjoyed J

 

My 4 year old gets out of bed multiple times in the evening with excuses for another drink, toilet visit, a runny nose, itchy bite etc, etc, etc. What can I do?

This can be a cry for attention. This may mean they are either getting too much attention during the day and so are continuing to demand it at night. Or it may mean they are getting too little attention during the day and so are demanding it at night.

For both situations, it is important to balance the day with independent play activities and focused activities in-between the side-by-side activities that will dominate the day.

Independent play activities will ensure that the child is learning self-play adaptive skills and can learn to be content with their own company. Examples include room play, outside play and video watching.

Focus play activities will ensure they feel loved and important. A few minutes of undivided attention from the parent will ensure their emotional love tank is full and they do not need to act out to receive attention.

Before bedtime role play the expected response and explain the reward for obedience and the consequence for disobedience. Your calm consistency will reap fruit.

 

My little 3.5 year old wakes up at night from her dreams. She is not hungry or thirsty. How should I respond?

This could be the result of a number of issues.

First check that there is no physical reason for this such as illness or being too hot or cold, an outside noise or too much or too little light.

Then check to see if she can explain what is happening.

Then check her input during the day. Is it a screen image or book story that has caused the upset? An active imagination can be quite sensitive to this.

Then check your weekly schedule. Are you out every day? Over stimulation can cause disrupted sleep.

Finally check your daily schedule. Is there a balance between quiet, alone activities and noisy, busy activities with others? Constant noise, movement and people stimulation can also cause disrupted sleep.

When she does wake, calmly, quietly and quickly resettle her. This will teach her that night time is for sleeping.

 

Parenting Pre-schoolers #2

Parenting Pre-schoolers: A Positive Practical Parenting Seminar

Questions from Dapto, NSW, Mums

 

How do I night toilet train a 4.5 year old?

Check out my website

www.terrifictoddlers.com.au

for a long answer to this question J.

 

 

 

How do I encourage self-play that is not with an electronic device?

This is so important. If they are small, you can start with one or two playpen times each day. Just have a few toys in there so not to overwhelm them with over-choice.

If they are toddlers or older, start them in room play for a small section of each day. Choose the same time each day (I chose straight after breakfast) and choose one bucket of toys (e.g. blocks or cars or animals) for them to play with. Explain that they can play right here until the music sounds. Keep the time short at first and gradually increase it.

Have outside play each day. This is important for developing gross-motor skills

Have table time each day for colouring, pasting and cutting. This is important for developing fine-motor skills.

Have a set time each day for electronic device play with a set start and end time. Not just before bed!

 

What should I do if my 3 year old just sits and will not eat dinner?

I would give them their milk and move on with the evening. If this is a pattern, then observe their eating pattern for the day. Ensure that snacks and juice are limited so they have a good appetite by dinner time. If it happens only occasionally, then don’t be too concerned. The appetites of the under 5’s can vary greatly due to growth spurts, teething and illness.

 

What do you do if your child is still fussing a few minutes after you have isolated them?

Just leave them.

They are not in pain or in danger or in need.

They are simply expressing their displeasure at your decision.

When they are calm, you can pick them up, give them a big cuddle and continue on with your day.

 

 

How do you get two parents on the same page?

This is so important. It is very rare to have both parents with exactly the same ideas on parenting. There needs to be lots of discussion. When an issue arises, it is okay to take a few minutes to work out how to respond. You will both have to compromise a little and come up with ‘our’ way of parenting rather than ‘’my’ or ‘yours’. No one response will make or break your child, so even if you later think you were too hard or too soft in one situation, it is totally okay to adjust for the next time.

 

How do you leave your child in crèche if they are unhappy?

It is best to leave quickly. Prolonging the goodbye usually escalates the situation.

If possible, hand your child to the same carer each time. That will help create familiarity and security for your child.

Say the same thing each time. I would say, “Have a happy time, I will be back soon.” This again creates familiarity and security and is the verbal cue for your departure.

Let the carer know that you are happy to be called back if your child hasn’t settled in 10 – 15 minutes. This time frame gives them a chance to hopefully become interested in a toy or activity that will distract them from your absence.

It can also be helpful to practice leaving and returning in other situations during the week. This helps your child learn that mummy always comes back.

Parenting Pre-schoolers #1

Parenting Pre-schoolers: A Positive Practical Parenting Seminar

Questions from Dapto, NSW, Mums

 

Is it bad to give them choice too often?

When our children are aged 2 – 5 years, it is important to make most of the choices in the day for them. We are older, and wiser, and it is kind to gently lead them. Toddlers will not choose vegetables over sweets for dinner, a nap over play time or a bath over a video. As parents we need to make these decisions for them. As they get older, we can gradually give them more choice.

 

How do I prevent back-chatting?

It is your calm consistency that will reap change. In a time of non-conflict, clearly explain how you wish them to respond to your instructions. Clearly state the consequence if they do not respond in that way. (the consequence will depend on their age and your personal preference). Then each and every time they choose to back-chat, calmly and consistently enforce the consequence.

 

How do I encourage an early response to a task (e.g. packing up toys) I have given?

It is your calm consistency that will reap change. In a time of non-conflict, practice packing up the toys at the speed of Superman, Spiderman (or whatever super hero they like). Then practice packing up the toys at the pace of a snail or turtle (or whatever slow animal they like). Next time you ask them to pack up let them know if this is a turtle-speed pack-up of a superman-speed pack-up.