Heart Issues - Anger Outbursts

Dora exploded again.

Mum asked her to share her 128-crayon set with her sister.

Dora wanted all of everything for herself, always.

To combat this selfish tendency, mum and Dora had a mission month.

Almost everyday they sought out an opportunity to give to someone else.

A cake for the neighbour.

A muffin to share with a friend at school.

Babysitting a younger one after school for an hour or too.

Pulling the weeds in the front garden as a surprise for Dad.

Creating a card to send to a teacher who was unwell.

As mum and Dora looked to give and serve,, Dora started to focus more on others than herself, and slowly was more willing to share and give. She was much happier.



Darindah was so frustrated.

Her younger sibling got away with so much, and it just wasn't fair. He was always allowed into her room to play with her special treasures. She never had uninterrupted time on her own.

A friend pointed this out to Darindah's mum. It md sense to her, so changes were made.

Darindah had the freedom to close her bedroom door and her brother had to ask to enter. She had an hour each afternoon, just before dinner to play on her own while her brother had his room play.

Darindah's outbursts of seeking justice diminished noticeably.



David seem to get really angry over such little things.

Sometimes he couldn't even say what he was angry about.

His parents  had tried every punishment they could think of. He was still having numerous angry outbursts each day.

Looking over his day they realised that David was spending a lot of each day paying on his own, choosing his own activities and having a lot of 'aimless' time.

So they had a simple pattern of different play times - outside play, table play, DVD time, LEGO play, reading time, drawing time, etc - to form his day. They included two special paly with mummy times and one special night time daddy play as well as the family time straight after dinner.

The angry outbursts that were cries for focused attention vanished over night.

David felt loved and secure.

Heart issues - the 'go-slow' child

 

 

Danae defined slow.

 

She ate slow.

 

She dressed slow.

 

She moved slow.

 

She talked slow.

 

When she had an audience.

 

If she was alone she could eat, dress, move and talk fast.

 

Her parents looked at her daily pattern, and realised Danae was spending all her time with other people. She loved social interactions and soaked up attention. She was seeing herself as the centre of the family.

 

So a few independent play times were established into the day. These included a room play, a DVD time, a table activity and a short outside solo play. This still left many hours for interaction with her siblings and parents.

 

The attention seeking 'go-slow' behaviour melted away.

 

 

Declan was the day dreamer in the family. He had every intention of getting ready for school on time, yet something always grabbed his attention and halted his progress.

 

Mum had been a dreamer-child too, so she had great compassion for her creative son. She popped up some pictures of his tasks on the fridge and played some one of his favourite music CD's. Declan had to race the music to move his task cards from one end of the fridge door to the other. They kept a record of his times on the fridge too and rejoiced with him when he scored a new best.

 

Declan still has a relaxed afternoon time for play and dreaming, but he also enjoys the calm of being ready for school on time now too.

 

 

Denise was quietly stubborn. She would give a polite "sure, mum!" to a request to pack up her toys, but it would be done in a maddening slow manner. Or half picked up with some toys deliberately placed in the wrong tubs.

 

Her parents wisely saw this 'go-slow' tactic as deliberate disobedience. Denise knew how to pack up properly and quickly but she was expressing her disapproval over having to do this task. After breakfast the next day, mum explained what the consequence would be if the toys were not packed up before the timer sounded. Mum asked Denise to verbally give her the reason why it was important to obey and why it was important to be tidy.

 

It took a few weeks, (remember she was stubborn!), and a number of consistent but calm consequences being given, but Denise is now characterised by a timely pack up. Her parents, and Denise, are much happier.

 

 

 



Heart issues - Stealing

 

 

So Daniel was stealing.

 

Just little things.

 

A few extra cookies from the pantry when no one else was in the kitchen. A small match box toy from a friends house. A small chocolate bar was slipped into his pocket during a visit to the supermarket.

 

As his parents spoke with him after each incident, thy sensed Daniel was enjoying having both parents intensely engaging with him. He didn't enjoy the consequence they imposed (doing chores to pay back the value plus more of the goods that were taken) but he seemed to be basking in the process.

 

So his parents decided to ensure Daniel had quality time with one of them each day. This was just for 10 - 15 minutes each day, with special family time each week.

 

The stealing ceased.

 

 

Deborah was stealing too.

 

Her parents talked through the reasons why stealing was wrong, and had her write apology notes to those she stole from to go with the replacement items. They were calm and consistent. They noticed however that she was generally grumpy and irritable.

 

As they talked this through with Deborah, they discovered that she was always unhappy with what was happening to her. She was unsettled and always wishing she was somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else!

 

So her parents started a thankfulness journal with her. As she wrote down 5 things to be grateful for in each day, she began to see the showers of blessings rained on her each day by our good and great God. As she grew in thankfulness to God, her heart settled into contentment.

 

There were no more stealing incidents.

 

Douglas quite openly stated that he took thing because he wanted them. He was envious of the gadgets his friends owned, and wanted them for himself. Consequences seemed to be effective for only a few weeks.

 

His parents observed a pattern of selfishness in Doug's day. He always wanted to be first, to have the biggest piece and to be the best at everything.

 

So his parents implemented a daily plan of serving others. Douglas was given extra chores each day, times with siblings where they chose the activity, and was provided with opportunities where others went first, got the biggest piece and had the chance to be the best.

 

They also talked through the value God has placed in each person, as an image bearer of Himself. As they explored the Bible and came to know the God who created and loved each person, Douglas came to realise that his responsibility was to honour and love and serve others, not to seek his own gain through them. With God's help, his heart, and then his actions were changed.