To be a Mother is a Call to Suffer

I remember hearing a sermon a few years ago by John Piper with the title 'To be a Mother is a Call to Suffer'. It made an impact on me at the time, and some of it came back to me in the middle of the night last night:


How do you handle the setbacks, the disappointments, the abuses, the heartaches, the calamities, the bitter providences of your life? And I ask it specifically to mothers, because to be a mother is a call to suffer. When Jesus looked for an analogy of suffering followed by joy, he said (in John 16:21), "Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world."

To be a mother is a call to suffer. Not just at the beginning of life, but also at the end. Simeon said to Mary, Jesus' mother, "Behold, this Child is appointed for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and for a sign to be opposed – and a sword will pierce even your own soul" (Luke 2:34-35). Mothers suffer when their children are born. Mothers suffer when children leave them and go to the mission field. Mothers suffer when their children die. Mothers suffer when their children are foolish. "A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother" (Proverbs 10:1). To be a mother is a call to suffer. Oh yes, it's more. But it's not less.

(taken from 168hoursblog.com.au)

Peaceful Sunday Afternoon

My 13-year-old son spent Sunday afternoon building a raft.

Adventurous,

challenging,

messy,

complicated,

absorbing,

and fun.

It was delightful watching the (failed) launch and
totally undaunted, hearing his immediate plans
for raft number two already on the next weekend.

(Reading this over my shoulder just now he smiled and said
"Yes, it was fun and oh I have this great idea for next time . . .")

Strong-willed toddler?

Tough,
determined,
focused
and
persistent.

Describes your toddler?

Be
calm,
firm,
gentle
and
consistent.

You will reap a harvest of virute.

They love enough . .

A mother and father who love their children cannot allow them to go their own way. They desire for them freedom and joy, things that no human being can find without instruction, example and correction. If only the parent could make them see that the purpose in all these things is the children's ultimate happiness and wholeness.

They love them enough to say no to most TV programs, no to staying up as late as some of their friends, no to junk food.

They love them enough to require an hour of solitude and quiet for each child each afternoon.

They love them enough to stand by while the children learn to do things by themselves, things that parents are strongly tempted to do for them.

They love them enough to allow them, when their growth in wisdom and independence require it, to be hurt, to struggle, and at times, even to fail.

page 147, Discipline: The Glad Surrender, by Elisabeth Elliot

Teaching self-control in the teen years

So in the toddler years we focus on teaching physical self-control,
in the school years we teach verbal self-control and
in the teen years we turn towards emotional/thought self-control.

With our teen we discuss, unpack, teach, guide and encourage in the areas of:

movies
books
career
modestry
politics
charity
friendships
work
church - attendance and participation
finances
sport
private world
hygeine
bible
chores
nutrition
celebrations
integrity
global citizenship
sleep
television
recreation
family
siblings
music
internet
world view
time management
eternity
relationships
phone use
car driving and ownership
future . . .

teaching self-control in the school years

So in the toddler years we focus on teaching physical self-control
- how and where to play.

In the school years we focus on teaching verbal self-control.
A predictable pattern of meals, chores, play, school,
music and sports provides daily opportunities for this.

Learning to speak
quietly inside,
louder outside,
with kindness,
with patience,
with discernment,
with wisdom,
to resolve conflict,
to share,
to sympathise,
and to bring life,
not death.

"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body,
but it makes great boasts.
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
The tongue also is a fire." James 3:5

So how do you teach self-control?

Our children are born beautiful and gorgeous.

They are also born with the propensity to be self-pleasing and self-ruling.

We are to love them, enjoy them and teach them.

One aspect of our teaching is to gradually help them to manage their actions, thoughts and emotions.

In the toddler years we are mostly focusing on self-control of actions.

A day in which a toddler chooses when and how to play, eat and rest will strengthen the propensity to be self-ruling and self-pleasing.

A day in which the parent gently (oh so gently) guides and encourages a toddler through a balance of activities provides a platform for teaching self-control.

Every day, ordinary activities - all day, every day - provide teaching opportunities!