My kids are over 5 years old and I feel my life is out of control.Where do I start to fix it?
"If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will keep getting what you are getting" - Albert Eisnstein
Wanting to do things differently, to get a different result, is the first step.
Then organise your days into a pattern that is fairly consistent.
Then work on one virtue at a time (eg obedience). When you are seeing change, then work on the next thing. Don't overwhelm your self or your children by teaching too much too soon.
My nine year old is constantly asking for me to buy things every time we go to the shops.
Say "That's great! That $10 toy will need ten one dollar jobs.
Let's rush home so you can start on them!"
If the child earns the money BEFORE he purchases the item he will come to learn the value of it.
The asking will greatly reduce too!
My three girls are close in age. The middle child constantly annoys the others to get a reaction.
Balance your day so that the girls have time alone,
time near each other
and time directly with each other.
Ensure you are having one-on-one time with each girl too.
Isolate the offender then work through the issue (What was wrong? Why was it wrong? What does she need to do to make it right? What will she do next time?) .
Also pro-actively teach them how to resolve squabbles between themselves. do this in times when they are not fighting so you role play the steps.
As a single parent how do I teach and prepare them for a future partner? How do I do this and answer difficult questions about current situation?
Your aim for children is still 'best'. Parent, pray, teach and encourage towards this. Ensure they have a strong basis of self-control, a hard work ethic, financial wisdom and the practical skills of household management. Surround them with positive role models.
Your little ones do not need to know the details of your current situation. As they mature, prayfully and carefully present the facts in the fairest and simplest way possible.
Do you have a family devotion time?
No we don't. Right from young I have encouraged my children to read their bibles just before sleep each night.
My husband doesn't support me in parenting. How do I handle this?
This is really hard.
If you do all the daily tasks alone, then create a pattern in your day that enables you to balance the children, chores, yourself and others, so that you don't burn out.
If there is no support in terms of decision making, then form a network of like-minded friends who can offer you wisdom and practical suggestions.
Many men are more likely to respond to the practical reasons behind what you are trying to do, rather than other reasons. So where ever possible give the immediate and logical reason for the behaviour you are teaching.
Keep in mind that parenting is 80% your model - who you are - and that those little eyes are always watching you and learning from you all day every day.
Please give some techniques for self-preservation to keep own identity, sanity, relationship with hubby alive, with lots of kids, homework etc etc!
The only way I was able to balance the children, the household tasks, husband, church, family, friends, school, work and myself, was to have a pattern for each day. This enables me to give time to each priority, and not to neglect one thing or the other.
In the early days we found another family that was happy to swap babysitting so we could each have two date nights out each month.
Each Saturday morning my husband had the children and I would have breakfast with a friend.
One night a week I would go out (at various times it was for a craft night, coffee with a friend , shopping on my own, or to play basketball) and one night a week my husband would go out.
Be creative and think through what would work best for you in the current season.
How do you get past just surviving through each day to get to all the lovely things to share with our children?
Establishing a pattern for your day will be really hard work for 3 - 4 weeks. Once it is in place, you will reap all the many benefits of having structure and boundaries in your day.
Not only did I plan what my children whould be doing, I also planned what I could do at each stage of the day too. Cleaning up as we go was a huge help, as was multi-tasking whenever possible!
Read through the whole toddler book to get a picture of how this can work throughout the whole day. Having a calm and orderly home is a great basis for teaching heart virtues to your precious little ones.
My days with my toddlers were hard work. The household tasks were cyclic and never-ending.
I worked hard to teach them self-control. Many mums of toddlers work very hard dealing with their toddler's lack of self-control. Toddlers are so much happier when they have self-control.
My desire was to do the best I could with each day, to train heart virtues and to enjoy each precious stage. It is an awesome responsibility to teach and guide and truely love our children.
