They love enough . .

A mother and father who love their children cannot allow them to go their own way. They desire for them freedom and joy, things that no human being can find without instruction, example and correction. If only the parent could make them see that the purpose in all these things is the children's ultimate happiness and wholeness.

They love them enough to say no to most TV programs, no to staying up as late as some of their friends, no to junk food.

They love them enough to require an hour of solitude and quiet for each child each afternoon.

They love them enough to stand by while the children learn to do things by themselves, things that parents are strongly tempted to do for them.

They love them enough to allow them, when their growth in wisdom and independence require it, to be hurt, to struggle, and at times, even to fail.

page 147, Discipline: The Glad Surrender, by Elisabeth Elliot

Teaching self-control in the teen years

So in the toddler years we focus on teaching physical self-control,
in the school years we teach verbal self-control and
in the teen years we turn towards emotional/thought self-control.

With our teen we discuss, unpack, teach, guide and encourage in the areas of:

movies
books
career
modestry
politics
charity
friendships
work
church - attendance and participation
finances
sport
private world
hygeine
bible
chores
nutrition
celebrations
integrity
global citizenship
sleep
television
recreation
family
siblings
music
internet
world view
time management
eternity
relationships
phone use
car driving and ownership
future . . .

teaching self-control in the school years

So in the toddler years we focus on teaching physical self-control
- how and where to play.

In the school years we focus on teaching verbal self-control.
A predictable pattern of meals, chores, play, school,
music and sports provides daily opportunities for this.

Learning to speak
quietly inside,
louder outside,
with kindness,
with patience,
with discernment,
with wisdom,
to resolve conflict,
to share,
to sympathise,
and to bring life,
not death.

"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body,
but it makes great boasts.
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
The tongue also is a fire." James 3:5

So how do you teach self-control?

Our children are born beautiful and gorgeous.

They are also born with the propensity to be self-pleasing and self-ruling.

We are to love them, enjoy them and teach them.

One aspect of our teaching is to gradually help them to manage their actions, thoughts and emotions.

In the toddler years we are mostly focusing on self-control of actions.

A day in which a toddler chooses when and how to play, eat and rest will strengthen the propensity to be self-ruling and self-pleasing.

A day in which the parent gently (oh so gently) guides and encourages a toddler through a balance of activities provides a platform for teaching self-control.

Every day, ordinary activities - all day, every day - provide teaching opportunities!

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven of earth.

He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber or sleep.

The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

strength of character

I went camping with 40 13-year-olds last week for a school camp.
We were down south of Sydney in the beautiful Ulladalla
region. The students enjoyed sleeping in tents, ocean swimming,
roasting marshmallows around a bonfire, a night walk along the beach
and exploring the rocks.

The focus of the camp was the climb up Pigeon House Mountain
which is 720 m above sea level and rated as a difficult 4 hour climb.

We managed to coax all the students to the top,
even up the 13 sets of near vertical ladders at the peak.
The 360 degree view was breath taking.

What was interesting was observing the spirit with which each
child met the challenge. Some complained with every step.
Others loved the difficulty and strived to reach the top as quickly as they could.
Some plodded with quiet resignation.
One little girl really struggled with the walk but smiled all the day.

How would your child climb?

Focus and Fun

So why plan the year?

We are called to live sober (careful) lives and to one day give an account for each of our days.

Balancing our day, our week and our year, enables us to live a holy and disciplined life.

To best train, enjoy, and cherish our precious children requires thought, planning and prayer.

All that we do, including the rest times, fun times and mundane times, is part of this goal.

"Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. " Titus 1:8