PERTH GEMS - JULY 09 - PART TWO
In group activities (e.g. kindermuzik) our 2 yr old refuses involvement, but enjoys going and shows interest while there, being choosey on what parts he will and will not participate in. Is this lack of discipline in our parenting, or his personality? What should we do?
Think through what you want your child to do before you go. Are you happy for him to mostly watch and gradually participate fully, or do you want to direct him to always participate fully ? Have you noticed a pattern? Does he prefer the individual or group parts? Noisy or quiet parts? Role play the expected behaviours with his bears or trucks each day. Keep this training time positive and short. Talk through the expected behaviour on the way to the event. Think through your consequences for non compliance. Will you remove him to another room, will he have to sit in his pram, or will you leave?
My daughter is very jealous of everyone’s attention taking me away. What do I do?
Plan her day to be balanced between time alone (independent play times such
as room time, outside play, reading time, DVD watching, or free play) and side by side time ( she is playing and you are doing your tasks in the same space ) and focus time (special one-to-one time where you give her your full attention and do a task together). This is the best framework to work on the jealousy. Also role play the expected behaviours when a visitor arrives. Give her a specific greeting and a specific task to move to after the greeting. Have a consistent consequence for interrupting such as isolation or loss of privilege. Be calm and consistent.
How do you deal with anger in a 2 ½ year old?
A flexible routine is the best framework for teaching basic self-control. Watch your child and deal with the little expressions of anger so they don’t explode into full tantrums. Can you notice a pattern? Calmly and consistently chastise then isolate for each outburst. Time your isolation AFTER the fussing has stopped. Start with 10 – 15 minutes each time, building up to 25 – 30 minutes for repeat offences. Role play the expected behaviour with her dolls and bears each day. Focus on using your everyday routine to teach the positive virtues of patience, obedience, cheerfulness, helpfulness etc to elevate the virtues you want in your child’s heart.
How do you explain to a 3 yr old that physically hurting their younger sibling won’t be tolerated. I have tried a number of consistent consequences to no avail.
I am assuming you have a flexible routine for each day that mostly keeps them apart except when you can supervise and model kind interactions. Also I assume you are teaching the practical ways to show love (5 love languages book by Gary Chapman). If you have been calm and consistent with no change, then it is time to increase the consequence. Double the chastisement and isolation time. Halve the direct interaction time e.g. two fifteen minute times together rather than two thirty minute times each day. Also double your positive teaching times. Keep persevering – your calm consistency is modeling that this is not acceptable in your home.
Having two at the same age, twin girls, the fighting is a problem and find that if one has one item the other wants it too! How can we control this severe resentment?
A fairly tight routine is the answer. Keeping them mostly apart each day means that their day is mostly positive. For example, having one outside, while you have the other for one-to-one time, then swap them over avoids the battles over outside toys. Or have them both sitting in a booster seat at either end of the table doing their own puzzle, or both having reading time on separate lounges, or one playing in the family room, and one in the bedroom then swapping over. Have two 30 minute times each day where you teach sharing (see TERRIFIC TODDLERS 2 for a chapter on how to do this). Increase this as the sharing improves!
Self-control begins with the mum/parents. How do I exemplify this at home especially when the day runs awry with toddlers?
A flexible routine, that is unique to your home and your context, is the starting point. If the ‘twilight zone’ of the bath/dinner/bed routine always results in a parental meltdown, then make some adjustments. Are the children more settled with quiet play on their own just before dinner, or are they content with a quiet story DVD? Try something different for a week or two and see if it helps. Is it best to bath before or after dinner? Can the older ones be in bed quietly reading while you put the younger ones down? Try to evaluate the pressure points when you have a few moments alone, and adjust one part at a time.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Perth GEMs - July 09 - Part One
PERTH GEMS - JULY 09 - PART ONE
2 Peter 1: 3-8
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For, if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
These were the questions that were asked during the meetings in Perth. If you would like to provide more details of your question, then I can give you a more personal answer.
What happens when the babies/toddlers are sick?
You cuddle them, give them extra attention and love them!
You will give extra grace to moaning and fussing as they are in pain or discomfort,
and not just whining to get their own way. You may well have a whole day on the
lounge with DVD’s, or the same toys all day, or with books, whatever keeps them calm and quiet. You can chose to gradually move back into your usual routine, or slowly build back up, depending on your personal preference. As someone once told me, when they are well enough to misbehave, they are well enough to have a consequence!
How do you deal with a 10 month old baby screaming, throwing small tantrums and doing things she knows is wrong?
Say “Oh dear, that’s a bad choice” (or similar, use the same phrase every time)
and isolate to a cot, porta-cot or playpen (totally out of sight of you).
Time your isolation (say 5 – 10 minutes) from AFTER the fussing has stopped.
When you reenter say “Good girl for having a happy face” (or similar, use the same phrase every time) and move on with your day.
Your calm consistency will reap change, prevent the tantrums from escalating to full-blown out of control performances and lay a great foundation for self-control in the toddler years!
What do I do about my 20 month old hitting or biting my 7 month old?
Firstly, plan your day so they are only together when you can closely supervise them. The rest of the day they can be together, but not physically able to reach other. Examples include both watching a dvd with the younger one securely in a highchair, having table time at opposite ends of the table, one in outside play, the other one-on-one time with mum, both playing in separate rooms at the same time.
When you do have them together, maybe twice a day for 20 – 30 minutes at first, teach them how to share, take turns, and touch each other nicely. This keeps the day mostly positive and is a great basis for their friendship.
What should a toddler’s day look like?
A sample schedule:
Breakfast
Room play
DVD time
Mummy time
Table time
Outside play
Lunch
Nap
DVD time
Outside play
Chores
Bath
Quiet free play or room play
Dinner
Family time
Bed ritual
Check out TERRIFIC TODDLERS for other ideas of WHAT
to put in along with the WHY of each activity.
What consequences do you use when toddlers come out of room time?
Firstly check that you have the best time of the day. Straight after breakfast seems to work well. Also ensure you have just a few toys (3 – 4 at most) that are reserved for room time. Music is also a great help, especially if room time always ends with the same song. A visual cue of the boundary, e.g. a cushion at the door can be helpful too. Start with small increments of time, say 5 or 10 minutes and praise lots for compliance. Having focus time just after room time is also helpful, as after a few days the toddler will realize that special mummy time comes soon. Gentle verbal encouragement and your calm consistency will reap fruit in a few weeks.
What do you think of occasional but regular daycare?
Being home with mum provides the best care for a child for loving and learning.
The joy of being with a child almost every day is so precious and a cherished memory. However this is not always feasible. A day or two with other children may be beneficial for an only child and may provide a needed break for mum, especially if she has other commitments, e.g. looking after an elderly parent or working. Also, a day or two a week in the year before attending school can help with that huge transition. Finding a centre that has a adult directed, structured day, and with a low carer-to-child ratio is best.
2 Peter 1: 3-8
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For, if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
These were the questions that were asked during the meetings in Perth. If you would like to provide more details of your question, then I can give you a more personal answer.
What happens when the babies/toddlers are sick?
You cuddle them, give them extra attention and love them!
You will give extra grace to moaning and fussing as they are in pain or discomfort,
and not just whining to get their own way. You may well have a whole day on the
lounge with DVD’s, or the same toys all day, or with books, whatever keeps them calm and quiet. You can chose to gradually move back into your usual routine, or slowly build back up, depending on your personal preference. As someone once told me, when they are well enough to misbehave, they are well enough to have a consequence!
How do you deal with a 10 month old baby screaming, throwing small tantrums and doing things she knows is wrong?
Say “Oh dear, that’s a bad choice” (or similar, use the same phrase every time)
and isolate to a cot, porta-cot or playpen (totally out of sight of you).
Time your isolation (say 5 – 10 minutes) from AFTER the fussing has stopped.
When you reenter say “Good girl for having a happy face” (or similar, use the same phrase every time) and move on with your day.
Your calm consistency will reap change, prevent the tantrums from escalating to full-blown out of control performances and lay a great foundation for self-control in the toddler years!
What do I do about my 20 month old hitting or biting my 7 month old?
Firstly, plan your day so they are only together when you can closely supervise them. The rest of the day they can be together, but not physically able to reach other. Examples include both watching a dvd with the younger one securely in a highchair, having table time at opposite ends of the table, one in outside play, the other one-on-one time with mum, both playing in separate rooms at the same time.
When you do have them together, maybe twice a day for 20 – 30 minutes at first, teach them how to share, take turns, and touch each other nicely. This keeps the day mostly positive and is a great basis for their friendship.
What should a toddler’s day look like?
A sample schedule:
Breakfast
Room play
DVD time
Mummy time
Table time
Outside play
Lunch
Nap
DVD time
Outside play
Chores
Bath
Quiet free play or room play
Dinner
Family time
Bed ritual
Check out TERRIFIC TODDLERS for other ideas of WHAT
to put in along with the WHY of each activity.
What consequences do you use when toddlers come out of room time?
Firstly check that you have the best time of the day. Straight after breakfast seems to work well. Also ensure you have just a few toys (3 – 4 at most) that are reserved for room time. Music is also a great help, especially if room time always ends with the same song. A visual cue of the boundary, e.g. a cushion at the door can be helpful too. Start with small increments of time, say 5 or 10 minutes and praise lots for compliance. Having focus time just after room time is also helpful, as after a few days the toddler will realize that special mummy time comes soon. Gentle verbal encouragement and your calm consistency will reap fruit in a few weeks.
What do you think of occasional but regular daycare?
Being home with mum provides the best care for a child for loving and learning.
The joy of being with a child almost every day is so precious and a cherished memory. However this is not always feasible. A day or two with other children may be beneficial for an only child and may provide a needed break for mum, especially if she has other commitments, e.g. looking after an elderly parent or working. Also, a day or two a week in the year before attending school can help with that huge transition. Finding a centre that has a adult directed, structured day, and with a low carer-to-child ratio is best.
Monday, July 20, 2009
mamma fraZZle
Check out this blog by a wonderful lady.
It will give you lots of food for thought
on a range of topics
and a lovely insight into the life of being a mum to 7.
mammafrazzle.com.au
Enjoy!
It will give you lots of food for thought
on a range of topics
and a lovely insight into the life of being a mum to 7.
mammafrazzle.com.au
Enjoy!
Yaaaaaawwwn
Sleep.
I love a good, quiet, long night's sleep.
Give your kids a wonderful life long gift - sleep.
Teach them to fall asleep by themselves (no sleep props)
and teach them how to stay asleep.
Think long term - a little hard work in the early months
will reap fruit for many years to come.
Also, your toddler, tween and teen will be much less grumpy and much more happy!
I love a good, quiet, long night's sleep.
Give your kids a wonderful life long gift - sleep.
Teach them to fall asleep by themselves (no sleep props)
and teach them how to stay asleep.
Think long term - a little hard work in the early months
will reap fruit for many years to come.
Also, your toddler, tween and teen will be much less grumpy and much more happy!
eXtra eXtras
Some days were pretty quiet at home.
My little ones would be happily playing,
and very occassionally,
the house work would be totally up to date.
At those times, it was fun to plan something extra for the day.
A spontaneous trip to the park.
Walking to the shops just to buy a treat.
A game of hide n seek.
Having a party for bear or doll with real food.
The extra extras that become lovely memory makers.
My little ones would be happily playing,
and very occassionally,
the house work would be totally up to date.
At those times, it was fun to plan something extra for the day.
A spontaneous trip to the park.
Walking to the shops just to buy a treat.
A game of hide n seek.
Having a party for bear or doll with real food.
The extra extras that become lovely memory makers.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Winning Winners
Congratulations to
Tegan of WA who won the MY DAY pack and
Jennifer of NSW who won the MY WEEK pack.
Thankyou to LITTLE BILLIES for offering these prizes.
Do visit www.littlebillies.net
for some wonderful
practical and positive
parenting resources!
Tegan of WA who won the MY DAY pack and
Jennifer of NSW who won the MY WEEK pack.
Thankyou to LITTLE BILLIES for offering these prizes.
Do visit www.littlebillies.net
for some wonderful
practical and positive
parenting resources!
Various Vacations
Vacations with toddlers can be interesting!
One of our little ones was very prone to car sickness and so we stopped a lot on the road which made for very slow trips! At least we stoppped - one friend has memories of her self and two siblings, and the family dog, all throwing up in the same bucket as dad would drive non stop to the destination!
Sharing with other families can also be tricky when you have little ones. We found that beach holidays, with friends in their own cabins nearby worked best. No getting in and out of cars, or tight schedules, just lazy days on the beach for the kids to explore and play. Each family had the freedom to come and go as they pleased which worked best. Fun games and talking nights for the adults once the little ones were down for the night are great memories. I love summer holidays!
One of our little ones was very prone to car sickness and so we stopped a lot on the road which made for very slow trips! At least we stoppped - one friend has memories of her self and two siblings, and the family dog, all throwing up in the same bucket as dad would drive non stop to the destination!
Sharing with other families can also be tricky when you have little ones. We found that beach holidays, with friends in their own cabins nearby worked best. No getting in and out of cars, or tight schedules, just lazy days on the beach for the kids to explore and play. Each family had the freedom to come and go as they pleased which worked best. Fun games and talking nights for the adults once the little ones were down for the night are great memories. I love summer holidays!
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