This Blog is Moving

Hi all,

Thanks for visiting.

This blog is closing down.

I have moved the blog to  

https://melhayde.wordpress.com/

Hope you enjoy reading the new blog :)

TERRIFIC TODDLER books can still be purchased from

www.terrifictoddlers.com.au

:)

Parenting Toddlers is hard work.

 Days are full of activity and mess and chores and noise.

It is a season of setting patterns and boundaries and foundations.

Toddlers are wanting to be in charge of their day, and parents are gently showing them that they are in charge.

It is a busy season.

Wherever possible, say yes.

Say yes to fun – having a ‘midnight’ (closer to 8 pm) ice cream from a drive thru restaurant.

Say yes to new experiences – like experimenting with blocks of woods and nails.

Say yes to mess – like jumping in puddles while it is raining.

Say yes to memory makers – like eating lunch in the blanket house made in the playroom.

Say yes to stopping – like watching the snail or ants in the garden.

Say yes to learning – like reading a children’s picture dictionary together.

Say yes to silliness – dancing wildly to a special song.

Say yes to make-believe – sit and really play with them for 20 – 30 minutes a day and really enter the imagination with them.

Say yes to enjoying these precious moments of this season.

Say yes!

School Holiday Fun For Families

School Holiday Fun for Families

Do you look forward to the school holidays or dread them?

Do you end up spending more money than you planned?

Does your house end up a huge big mess?

Do you tire of being the argument referee?

Are you concerned about the amount of screen time you r children have each day?

Well, let’s make these holidays different!

Let’s have more fun, spend less money, keep the house a bit tidy,

work towards promoting sibling friendship and reduce screen time.

How?

Have a pattern for the week.

Try the pattern of having a day at home followed by a day out.

Aim for one cost event per week, with the other outing days focused on visiting parks, beaches, rivers or a friend’s house.

Have a pattern for the day.

Include outside play (2 hours in the morning and then two hours again in the afternoon). Let them use their imaginations and make up their own games to play. Have bats and balls and bikes and skates to encourage physical exercise. Maybe once a week have messy outside craft or painting or ‘building’ with nails and scrap wood.

Include independent play (1 hour in the morning and again in the afternoon). This gives each child a chance to play without interacting with another child. Make this non-screen time. Find a quiet place in the house for each child. Set some boundaries. Books and blocks and quiet toys are best for this. Your creative child may prefer to draw or write in this time. Leering to play independently is a great skill for life. It also gives you a break from negotiating sibling issues.

Include table play (30 – 60 mins twice a day). Have a set seat for each child at the table and have a small selection of activities to choose from according to their age. Playdoh, sewing cards, sticker books, activity books, board games, peg boards, threading beads, water painting, sorting activities and so on.

Chores time (15 – 30 mins twice a day). Holidays are a great time to train your children in new chores. Having a set time for this will ensure it is done and the house is kept tidy (well, tidier J). Having some loud, up-beat music playing during this time can help it get done in a set time and makes it fun too.

Family time after dinner each night is a lovely way to end each day. Sock Wars, board games an outside walk, a picnic supper in the back yard, charades, karaoke, acting out Bible stories, family concerts where everyone does an item and so on. Finishing it with a reading time can be a nice way to quiet everyone down for bed.

Have a plan for dealing with sibling conflicts. Have clear consequences that are meaningful for the age of your child. Isolation can be a helpful starting point and restitution is also important. If they have spoken an unkind word to a sibling, they can then make a card that contains five nice things about that sibling. Early bedtime was the most effective strategy for my kids, they enjoyed reading just before bed and were most reluctant to lose that special time.

Plan ahead, have a few surprises and enjoy these precious weeks J

Teaching Toddlers with Kindness

Teaching Toddlers with Kindness

Toddlers are concrete thinkers.

They live in the moment. They want what they want right now. They see things in black and white. They love repetition. They will put all the pegs into the container, and then take them all out of the container, over and over. They love to ‘read’ their favourite few books over and over and over. They enjoy having a daily pattern that is familiar and secure.

They learn through calmness and consistency.

So it is important to ensure that a ‘yes’ is always a ‘yes’.

It is also important to ensure that a ‘no’ is always a ‘no’.

Can they touch the remote control for the TV? If your answer is always yes, or always no, they will quickly learn to touch or not to touch  the remote control. If it sometimes a yes and sometimes a no, that is very confusing for their developing minds. The same action sometimes receives a smile and praise, and sometimes receives a frown and angry words. It seems unkind to them.

Can they jump on your bed? If the answer is always yes, or always no, they will quickly learn to jump or not to jump. If it is sometimes a yes and sometimes a no, they may jump when the bed has just been made or if there is neatly folded washing on the end of the bed. The same action sometimes receives a smile and attention, and sometimes receives a shout and harsh words. It seems unkind to them.

Do they get what they are fussing for when they throw a temper tantrum? If the answer is always yes or always no, they will eventually learn to tantrum or not to tantrum. If it is sometimes a yes and sometimes a no, then they will probably keep throwing tantrums in the hope that this time might be a yes. Sometimes receiving a consequence and sometimes not, is inconsistent and seems unkind.

Gentle authority that has clear boundaries, of ‘yes’ and ‘no’, are kind to your toddler. They can feel safe and secure knowing that yesterday’s boundaries are the same as today’s boundaries and they will be the same as tomorrow’s boundaries too.

Most importantly, the toddler is learning what your values are. 

Is integrity important? Then your ‘yes’ will be ‘yes’ and your ‘no will be ‘no. 

That is kind parenting.

He has shown you,

 O mortal, what is good. 

And what does the LORD 

require of you?

 

To act justly

 

and to love mercy

 

and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8

Fun with your Toddler

Do you plan a bit of fun into each week?

It is nice for you and your toddler to have something to look forward to.

Dress up day on Friday.

Movie and popcorn watching on Saturday.

A trip to the lake to feed the ducks.

A discovery walk around the neighbourhood to look at the flowers.

A visit to the building site to watch the trucks at work (a huge favourite with one of my boys!)

Messy craft morning on Thursdays (keeping the clean-up to just once a week!)

Story time when you dress up and act out a story.

Picnic lunch at the park each Wednesday.

Or just have one day a week, e.g. FRIDAY FUN DAY, with a mystery fun time that you can organise on the spot or the day before depending on the weather or finances or current interests.

Enjoy having fun J

The Beauty of KINDNESS

A New Year

It is usually about this time of the year when the new pattern is finally established.

The training days for soccer are set, the dance class times are chosen, and the music lesson is booked.

I always like to have the weekly plan sorted for the new year.

Then I can work out the chores schedule for the week, and which little one would be helping 'cook' dinner on which night.

Having a plan is a helpful guide.

Having a flexible structure for the week is a helpful platform for ensuring all the bits and pieces of the week are fitted in and ensures that life is balanced.

Now, with young adult children, it is interesting to see how they choose to structure their week. Some have a little more planning than others!

Enjoy the year.

Enjoy the little moments.

Enjoy the milestones.

Have fun!

Isaiah 45:3

And I will give you

the treasures of darkness,

and hidden riches

of secrets places,

that you may know

The Lord your God.

Isaiah 45:3

LEGACY

 

 

 

The greatest legacy

one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren

is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life,

but rather

a legacy of character and faith.

Billy Graham

 

Time Matters

I so clearly remember the non-stop nature of a day with a toddler.


Never-ending movement.


Constant talking.


One mess after the other to attend to.


The daily cycle of meals, washing and cleaning.


With the constant training, correcting and encouraging on top.


Yet, also committed to enjoying those precious moments each day that created treasures of the heart that I cherish today.


I was most intentional in my day.


I wanted a structure that would promote self-control and the teaching of internal virtues such as kindness, obedience and helpfulness, and a hundred more.


Time was precious.


Valuable.


Important.


I wondered if that season of intensity would ever end.


It did,


Now, I have three children who have finished school.


They are out and about with their studies, part time jobs, church activities and friends.


As they should be. It is an exciting time of transition for them.


It is a time of quietness for me.


I still teach four days a week, grade counselling papers every two weeks, speak about toddlers once a month, play tennis three times a week and run and play basketball weekly too. I am studying to complete my Masters of Biblical Counselling and am privileged to disciple a young lady. I attend my own church every Sunday morning and another one every second Sunday night. I enjoy reading, doing cryptic puzzles and playing my keyboard (very slowly) each evening. I am contemplating taking an art class next term. (Just for fun - my school students would ask me to draw just so they could laugh at my attempts!) I aim to do one fun thing with a friend or group of friends each weekend.


Yet I still have many hours on my own.


It is okay.


I am enjoying the solitude and the prayer time.


Time is still precious.


I want to use it wisely and for good.


So, young mum, take heart. Seasons do come to an end.


Each season has challenges and beautiful moments.


Embrace them all.


Enjoy today.

Interruptions

Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in Life Together,

We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.

 God will be constantly crossing our paths and canceling our plans by sending us people with claims and petitions.

We may pass them by, preoccupied with our more important tasks. . . . It is a strange fact that Christians and even ministers frequently consider their work so important and urgent that they will allow nothing to disturb them.

They think they are doing God a service in this, but actually they are disdaining God’s “crooked yet straight path.”

I love this quote.

As mums, especially mums of little ones, our day seems FULL of interruptions.

We start a task several times, attend to numerous requests, and finally complete the task, if we remember what it was we were doing in the first place!

Or we set our child up for free play or room time or outside play, and then they call for our attention, and we feel frustrated that 'our' time has been eaten into.

Or, most frustrating of all, they come out again and again after we have put them to bed for the night and we fume - we have worked hard all day and now deserve some rest time.

Having our eyes set on eternity, changes all of this.

The constant requests are opportunities to teach into the lives of our children.

The calls for attention can be opportunities to create moments to treasure.

The night time issues can be an opportunity to evaluate the day and see where the boundaries are too loose so we can adjust and teach self-control into the heart of our children.

 This is a most precious gift to give our children for ALL of their life.

Yes, our day is full of interruptions. However if we plan for them, then we can be prepared. My day never went as planned, a good day was 80 - 90 % on track. Many days were much less.

Our day is full of opportunities.



The Moment

:)

Open your eyes today.


In the midst of your fatigue, frustration and fog.


Look for that one special time in the day that is a memory maker.


Hug your precious wee one.


Run your finger over their soft cheek.


Enjoy the news they are sharing.


Breathe in the scent of your day.


Hold on to the moment.

Profound Character

"But a shallow life lives on its

impulses,

impressions,

intuitions,

instincts

and largely on its circumstances.

Those with profound character, however,

look beyond all these,

and move steadily ahead,

seeing the future,

where sorrow, seeming defeat

and failure will be reversed."

from 09/09 STREAMS IN THE DESERT devotion book.

This thought really stood out for me this last week.

I work with teens who live each day based on the feelings and desires of the moment.

It leads to chaos and pain.

I work with other teens who are beacons of integrity and conviction.

They stand firm for truth against the tide and their peers.

It leads to light and life.

Helping our children see the big picture,

to look to the unseen things that last for eternity is a challenge.

It is a daily choice to focus on the things of God rather than the things of the world.

May you walk faithfully with eyes firmly on eternity.

Expectations

Expectations

What is your expectation of your life journey?

 

Do you expect mostly sunshine and smooth roads?

 

Do you expect mostly rain and rocky paths?

 

Or are you expecting a mixture of terrains and circumstances along your life journey?

 

 

Well, that’s obvious, you think.

Of course life is a mixture.

However, what are you preparing your toddler for?

Do you entertain your toddler for every minute of the day or do you have a balance between focus play, side-by-side play and independent play?

Do you meet their every demand immediately of do you build in opportunities to develop patience by having them wait for a moment or two throughout the day?

Do you rush to help when they are frustrated or do you give them a minute or two to work it out themselves?

If they have a minor fall, do you fuss over them excessively, or do you encourage them to pick themselves up and keep playing?

If they wake in the night will you allow them 5 to 10 minutes to transition from one deep sleep cycle into the next or do you rush in immediately to comfort them?

Even at this early age, you can be laying a firm foundation for resilience in the tween and teen years.