Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Three Trees


There were 3 trees on a hill in the woods,

discussing their hopes and dreams.


The one who wanted to be a treasure chest

ended up as a manger,

holding the greatest treasure of all time - baby Jesus.


The one who wanted to be a mighty ship

carrying kings and queens across the waters

ended up as a fishing boat,

carrying the King of Kings through a storm.


The third one wanted to grow to be the tallest tree

in the forest so people will remember him

as the greatest tree of all time reaching close to heaven.


He had Jesus crucified on top of a hill and was as close to God as possible.


The moral of the story is that

when things don't seem to be going your way,

always know that God has a plan for you.

Each of the trees got what they wanted,

just not in the way they imagined.

We don't always know what God's plans are for us.

We just know that His ways are not our ways,

but His ways are always the best.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Adelaide GEMS - November 2009 - Part 2

What's a good punishment for a 9 yr old girl who is being disrespectful?



Life lesson book.

Buy a blank hard cover exercise book.

For each offence have your child write

- what was wrong

- why it was wrong

- what to do next time

-how to make it right.



Then have them make it right and give an additional consequence

from the list in the previous post for an 8 yr old.



What do you do when your tween starts telling lies?

React firmly.

It is the little foxes that destroy the vines. Don't let this habit grow.

Be wise too. if you know they have not yet brushed their teeth, don't ask if they have
done this. Simply instruct them to brush now.

Do you think it is important for siblings to have their own room and space?

Yes and no.

If you can manage for each to have their own room, then they will learn to be responsible for their own things and their own area. It can also provide a clear place for homework to be done, time out to be had and quiet to be enjoyed.

If you can't, they will still learn each of these things, you simply have to be a little more creative.
Certain personalities will need a little more solitude than others, and certain children will need a little more space than others too!

You hear a lot about birth order behaviours. Do you need to do things differently with each child?

Books on birth order characteristics are certainly very helpful. As is information on personality or temperaments, gender differences and learning challenges. Our heart goals for each of our children are similar (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,
self-control etc) yet there are many individual goals for each one too. The bible is the best guide book for parenting, remember that all others are secondary.

Can you give some ideas about how you stop materialism taking over the home?

Model your values.
Children will hear what you DO, rather than what you SAY.

Give away a piece of clothinge very time you get a new item.

Go to the park rather than the plaza.

Have relationship based social times (eg board game nights, pool parties, picnics),
rather than spending ones (movies, amusements, shopping).

Offer a chore for eaach "I'm bored".

Have a extra jobs list ready for when they do want to save up for something special.
Most of the asking disappears when they realise how many jobs it takes to earn a toy!

Limit birthday gifts to one small present from each family member.
Teach the joy of giving (through practice) and serving rather than receiving and getting.

What are appropriate consequences for a teen who flatly refuses to go to school?

I wouldn't be looking for punishments. I would be seeking to understand then address the issues behind this.

Are there issues with other students, the teachers, the work, a past or future event that needs focus?

Are there major social or relationship issues in the family or friendships that have changed or ceased?

Hopefully the teen has one adult they would feel safe to open up with and discuss this through with.

A younger teen obviously needs to be encouraged back to school, for an older teen it may be a sign that it is time to look for employment or other learning options.

How do you encourage teens to take responsibility for personal hygeine etc?

Your discussions need to be relationship based, rather than authoritarian, and based around the comfort of others (not having to smell their body odour, see their yelllow teeth etc).

Very calm, matter of fact, consistent consequences (with a touch of humour) are most effective for your teen.

How do I know God has chosen me to be the mum for my children? I fail so often.

We all fail. We all can't do it on our own.
We need God's wisdom.
we need the help and encouragement of other mums along the way.
Sometimes we need time out.

Seek to your best today, just for today.
To love, enjoy, play and smile with your children.
To focus on tomorrow, and tomorrows issues, tomorrow.





Monday, December 14, 2009

Adelaide GEMS - November 2009

Hello,

A month after my lovely (very warm!) weekend in Adelaide I have finally finished the school term. So now I can answer the questions asked during the night meeting there. Please note they are only general answers, please email with more details if you would like a more specific answer to your query.

I once emailed a reply to a toddler issue. The mum wrote back and said she had implemented 70% of what I had said. I was delighted! She had thought through her situation and applied the relevent principles to her own context. May you prayfully do the same.


Do you believe there are alternatives to spanking that work as well with children?
Absolutely!
Logical consequences that correspond to the behaviour are best. Elevating good and focusing on the positive are very effective. Isolation for under 2 yr olds is helpful, spanking for deliberate disobedience for a 2 - 5 yr old is appropriate, while older children receive more 'feeling' from related consequences.

My almost 20 month old snatched her bottle - is this the first sign of attitude?
Maybe.
It could be a move towards independence (wonderful!) or it could be a sign of impatience. Look for a pattern then determine how best to proceed.

My 20 month old says 'no' when asked to do something.
Minimise your asking.
Simply take the child to the bath, don't ask if they want a bath.
Use a firmer voice for direct instructions and have a calm and consistent consequence for every disobedience. Role pay 'yes mummy' games so the consequences for compliances or not are very clear.

How do you handle toddler tantrums while shopping?
Go home.
Have a very memorable consequence then.
Think through the time you are going shoppng (not too tired or too hungry,
too late, too long or simply too often).
Talk through the expected behaviours on the way to the shops, in a happy encouraging voice.

How do you help 5 - 8 years olds resolve their own conflicts?
Practice.
Model, practice, practice, encourage, practice, practice!
When they were calm we would have them come together and each give an explanation,
then a possible solution each then finally a compromise.
Many many months of modelling and talking through this process will finally result in siblings who can (eventually!) work out their own issues.

Do you have any tips for a toddler who lies?
Focus on honesty.
As you go through your every-day routine, talk about being true.
Speaking right.
Have stories focusing on honest words, have craft that is made of caterpillars (or wahatever!)
that speak words of truth.
Focus on the hearers feeling happy (for true words) or sad (for untrue words).

Appropriate consequences for an 8 yr old girl?
no T.V.
no friends over
no treat foods
no free paly time
no choices for clothes or books
early bed time
mum's shadow at home and while out
no music
no computer surfing
no social networking chatting
extra chores
needs to ask for everything
no DVD's
no shopping
no hobbies or activites
mum-strucutred morning and evening routine.














Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Eyes and Face

Is a toddler happy?

Look into his eyes.

Are they clear, direct, full of hope and joy?
Are they alight with wonder and peace?

Look at his little face.

Is he lost in the moment, concentrating on his new discovery?
Does he have a contented look as he waits and plays and obeys?

A happy toddler is a treasure.